What Is A Dominatrix And What Do They Actually Do?
As kink and BDSM becomes more talked about topics between friends and across online message boards, conversations that were previously viewed as too taboo are now out in the open, with all the details hashed out.
And, with more information and representations of BDSM relationships readily available, people are now finding themselves following their curiosities, embracing their kinks, and asking the questions they were too shy to ask before.
This more visible and less taboo dialogue around BDSM is something that excites me.
I am all for people discovering what gives them their ultimate sexual satisfaction between the sheets or ropes, or sex swings...and maybe lately you have been feeling a little thrill at the idea of a Dominant/ submissive power play in the bedroom.
Now, usually when people think Dominant, they think it is a man’s role. But sometimes it is really sexy to flip this narrative on its head, and give the power position to the woman in the sexual relationship. Enter the Dominatrix.
In this article, I am going to teach you more about one of my favourite roles to take on during BDSM sex, the sexy Dominatrix, so that you can discover if this is a kink you want to pursue.
What is a Dominatrix?
Without oversimplifying her, the Dominatrix is a woman who takes on a power position during a kink scene, BDSM activity, or Dominant/submissive role play. The word Dominatrix is also capitalized to show the female Dominatrix’s power.
The Dominatrix (or Femdom) powers over and controls her submissive partner. A common misconception is that this control is only exercised through impact play (consensual striking like spanking or whipping done to your partner for both people’s sexual satisfaction), but the female Dominatrix can also control her sub through humiliation, bondage, or even more soft, sensual acts that still demonstrate her ultimate control.
Another important detail about the Dominatrix is that she does not only exist in heterosexual relationships. While it is a common kink for straight cis men, FemDom is also popular with women in the queer community.
The Dominatrix requires a powerful women in role during sex, no matter her sexuality of the gender of the sub. Furthermore, a Dominatrix can take on her FemDom role in a personal sexual relationship with a partner, or as a FemDom who gets paid to do professional Dominatrix work.
Is a Professional Dominatrix a Sex Worker?
Kind of, but not quite.
While some professional Dominatrix women also consider themselves sex workers, traditional sex workers and professional Dominatrix arrangements have different criteria and expectations for kind of service they provide.
A professional Dominatrix will work out of her personal “dungeon”. There, she will book individual “sessions” with clients who want to be the sub of the Dominatrix they are hiring. Depending on the kind of agree between the Dominatrix and her sub, the interaction can include a variety of BDSM activities, including things like bondage, spanking, worship, humiliation, or cock and ball torture.
Typically a Dominatrix will engage in a variety of arousing, erotic, and controlling sexual situations with her sub, but may not actually engage in sex or even allow her sub to touch her.
A typical FemDom session with a professional Dominatrix might look a little something like this: you contact the Dominatrix and have a conversation to make sure that you two are a good fit for one another, you meet with your Dominatrix at an agreed upon location (sometimes her dungeon, sometimes a hotel room), you will chat with one another and go over the agreed upon BDSM activities you would like to explore together, you pay, and then the fun begins.
You sexy Dominatrix will let you live out your fantasy Dominatrix scene for usually around 45 to 50 minutes of play.
In today’s virtual world, professional female Dominatrix work has moved online thanks to popular video platforms like OnlyFans.
This way, fans can interact with a Dominatrix through live stream videos and online chats. You can know if a woman does work as a Dominatrix if she refers to herself as a Dominatrix, mistress, lady, herrin, or goddess.
While you might think that straight cis men are the main clients of a professional female Dominatrix, this is not the case. People who hire a professional Dominatrix and are excited by Dominant/submissive role play with a sexy Dominatrix come from a wide variety of backgrounds and sexualities, including trans folks, queer women, and even couples.
However, Dominatrix work does not come cheap, so typically people who are wealthier and can afford to hire a Dominatrix will be the ones who do so.
What Does a Dominatrix Do with her Sub?
Here are just some of the most common BDSM activities a sub might request of their Dominatrix. The details of these activities are always discussed before the sexual interaction, so that both parties are comfortable, contesting, and aware of the kind of erotic activities the FemDom session will feature.
Impact Play
Impact Play is a popular form of sexual gratification where the Dominatrix punishes their sub by physically striking them. This FemDom play can use erotic acts like hitting, spanking, whipping, or flogging. Before impact play can happen safely, both the Dom and the sub will converse about the kinds of impact play they consent to, where they want to be hit, and if they have any physical or medical concerns that could make impact play unsafe. They will also establish a safe word.
Bondage
Bondage is when a sub is consensually restrained, bound, or tied up by their Dominatrix to experience being completely physically controlled by their partner. Bondage can be achieved using a variety of restraining objects (like handcuffs, rope, or latex) and must be done safely and correctly to avoid any injury or complications for the person being bound.
Humiliation
Humiliation is a form of punishment that a Dominatrix can manipulate her sub with, and depending on what is agreed upon, can be verbal or physical. A sub might enjoy being humiliated by being treated like an animal or pet, being called insulting names, being objectified and referred to as a thing or object, having to serve their Dominatrix, worship parts of their Dominatrix, or have to ask permission from their Dominatrix to perform certain tasks.
Animal or Pet Play
Animal or Pet Play tends to be more playful and less aggressive than other BDSM activities. The Dominatrix might take the role of the handler or trainer of their sub, who takes on the characteristics of an animal of their choice, like a cat or horse. This kind of Dominant/ submissive play can be traced back to the Medieval Era, where the popular tale of Phyllis and Aristotle told of a Dominatrix who seduced the Greek philosopher and would ride him and whip him as he crawled on all fours like a horse.
Cock and Ball Torture
Cock and Ball Torture is done when a Dominatrix safely performs painful or constricting acts to their subs penis and testicles. This can include the Dominatrix performing things like genital spanking, wax play, squeezing, or making their sub wear a cock harness to punish their erections. This is another kink that can lead to pain or injury if done incorrectly, so both partners should be well informed about the kinds of cock and ball torture they want to engage in, and how to do it safely.
Why Be a Dominatrix?
For women who seek out to be a professional Dominatrix, the FemDom role is their business and their line of work. A Dominatrix gets to work on their own terms, and essentially be their own boss. A female Dominatrix becomes an expert in the world of BDSM, and allows their clients to explore their deepest, darkest fantasies with a knowledgeable partner, and in a safe and controlled environment.
For example, a Dominatrix might specialize in bondage play, impact play, or cock and ball torture, which are popular BDSM kinks that may also be dangerous if a person performs them without having enough experience of background knowledge in order to do them safely. The Dominatrix uses her expertise to ensure their client is taken care of.
Outside of the professional sphere, women might desire to take on a Dominatrix role in their personal relationship to consensually explore her and her partner’s fantasies and kinks.
When done with safety and open communication as the top priority, exploring and changing up the power dynamics in your role play scenes with your partner can spark an erotic and intimate journey to bring you both even closer together.
Final Thoughts
The female Dominatrix is a key role in BDSM play, showcasing the power, control, intelligence, and intuition that women have to create intense and erotic sexual scenes with their submissive partners.
Whether you are interested in the world of professional Dominatrix work or dipping your toes into changing up the power dynamic between you and your partner in the bedroom, I encourage learn more about how to engage in your kinks safely, communicate openly with your partner to always ensure consent, and to embrace your kinks and all the sexy fun that comes with them!