Detailed BDSM Rulebook: Physical & Emotional Rules For Safe Bondage
Lately, I’ve been covering a few BDSM topics on the website, and while I do always try to include a section about safe BDSM play and BDSM rules, it never goes too much into detail.
Well, today is the day that I decided to sit down and iron out some of the most important BDSM rules.
Before I specifically talk about BDSM rules, I do want to give a little refresher on what exactly BDSM is to all of you.
You might learn something, or you might just remember some useful tips you learned a while ago.
Either way, BDSM rules are extremely important when playing and it works to ensure that all people involved are having a great time and getting the pleasure that they seek. So what do you say we get started talking about all things BDSM related.
What is BDSM?
In total, BDSM can be broken down into three major categories:
- BD - Bondage and Discipline
- DS - Dominance and Submission
- SM - Sadism and Masochism
Bondage and discipline refer to restricting a person’s movements using ropes and handcuffs as a form of discipline or punishment. It is a way for one person to exert dominance and control over another.
Dominance and submission are exactly how it sounds. In BDSM play, one person takes control of the situation and shows dominance over the submissive person. The sub gives in to these orders or faces punishment for it. While dominance and submission are used during sex, it is often used outside of sex as well for couples who really enjoy BDSM play.
Sadism and masochism refer to the pleasure that people get from either inflicting pain upon the other partner or receiving pain. This is one of the areas where BDSM rules are critical, as things can very quickly and easily turn from a pleasurable experience for both parties to a nightmare for one.
I talked about it when describing dominance, but BDSM play is not only restricted to sex. It can be done around the house for standard chores and even common actions. Through discipline and sadism and masochism, the dominant one can make the submissive one do their bidding.
In BDSM play, there is also a lot of roleplay and acting. A submissive person will often beg for mercy or ask for things to stop when in reality they are thoroughly enjoying everything that is happening. This is all part of BDSM play and can be quite confusing at first for an onlooker.
Now that I’ve covered the basics of BDSM (there’s still a lot to learn) it’s time to start talking about BDSM rules. These rules are in place to ensure that everyone gets the pleasure they are looking for and are safe emotionally and physically throughout the whole experience.
Important BDSM Rules
Establish and Follow Safe Words
I think the most important BDSM rule out there is the use of safewords. BDSM play can often blur the lines between roleplay and reality with the dominant person assuming that the submissive one is just doing what is expected from their role. You probably already see where this can go horribly wrong.
All it takes is one small action or word for a great BDSM session to quickly take a turn for the worst.
This is why safewords are important in the BDSM community. Before entering into a BDSM session, you and your partner should establish a safe word that is clear, concise, and easy for both of you to remember. If at any point someone gets uncomfortable, they say the word, and everything should stop instantly.
If you hear your partner say a safe word and you don’t stop right away, you are breaching their trust and are going to cause a lot of damage to them. The next thing you should do is unpack what just happened. Find out from your partner why they said the safe word and if there is anything you can do to improve the session. Consent is important and I always say don’t force your partner to jump right back into BDSM, especially if they don’t want to.
What do you do if the person has a ball gag in their mouth? Bondage and discipline play often uses gags to silence the other person. This can make saying a safe word either extremely difficult or downright impossible. The best solution that I’ve seen is the use of a soft toy that lights up when it bounces. You can get these from any dollar store.
Using them is quite simple, put it in the hand of the person who is going to be bound and restricted, and have them drop it at any point if they want things to stop. The sound of it hitting the floor mixed with the lights should send a clear signal to you that things have to pause. To me and my boyfriend, establishing and using safewords is one of the most important BDSM rules that we always follow.
No Alcohol Or Drugs
I have nothing wrong with drugs or alcohol or people who use them, but please, please, please, do not ever mix drugs or alcohol with BDSM play. Just like safewords, this is another important BDSM rule that is made to help protect your partner. Why are drugs and alcohol bad?
The first major reason why is simply because a person might not be able to fully consent to even having sex in the first place. Would you want to wake up the next day to find out that your partner did not want to have sex last night?
The next major reason why this one of several important BDSM rules is due to what alcohol and drugs do to your body. When under the influence, you often have a slower reaction time than normal and are often unaware of your surroundings. Your partner might be saying the safe word but you don’t hear it, or they might have dropped a ball as mentioned above and you don’t notice it.
Alcohol and drugs also reduce the motor functions of your body. If you are doing sadistic or masochistic play when under the influence you might not realize how hard you are hitting the other person. These are all reasons as to why you need to follow this BDSM rule and lay off drugs or alcohol if you plan on having fun that day.
Do Your Research and Know How To Use Your Tools
The next BDSM rule I want to talk about involves knowing the tools and toys that you are going to be using and the risks that come alongside them.
Many things in BDSM can be dangerous to a person, especially if they are not handled or performed correctly. Before you ever attempt to bring a new tool or toy into BDSM play, make sure that you have taken the time to understand how it works, and any of the associated risks that come with it.
It’s definitely not the most exciting thing to do, but this BDSM rule helps to prevent any serious injuries from occurring and ensures that you are using the toys and tools the way they are meant to be used. This is especially important if you plan on using more dangerous tools such as knives, floggers, whips, and needles.
Safety should always be the number one priority and you should prepare for the worst to happen. When using whips for example, if you aren’t accurate, you might end up hitting them in a sensitive spot that causes a great deal of pain. Longer floggers might even wrap around the body and hit areas that aren’t supposed to be hit. These are all reasons why you have to take time to learn how to use your toys and do your research. It’s a BDSM rule Ben and I always follow in the bedroom.
Hurt Not Harm
If you are big into masochistic and sadistic play, you’ll already know that a lot of the actions and tools you use will cause pain to your partner. This is a BDSM rule that recognizes you might be hurting your partner in the moment through this type of play, but you are not inflicting long-term harm upon them. This can be either physical or emotional harm as well.
Physical play during BDSM can be extremely enjoyable if it is one of your kinks, but it should never affect your day-to-day life or cause you discomfort for an extended period of time. This BDSM rule can be tough to establish, but try to keep it in the back of your mind during BDSM play, especially if you are the dominant one. Your sub will definitely enjoy the pain, you just need to be careful not to go too overboard with it.
Communication and Aftercare
The final BDSM rule that I want to talk about is the importance of communication and aftercare. During a BDSM session, Ben and I are constantly aware of each other and are watching to ensure that we both are safe.
Communication does not always have to be verbal and just looking at the facial expressions of your partner can give a good indicator of the situation.
If at any point you feel that you have to say something, do it. Communication is an important BDSM rule and it’s important that you let your partner know exactly what you are thinking about if a thought crosses your mind.
The same goes for aftercare as well. After you both are finished up, check-in with one another and see how you both enjoyed the session. Was there any area that made the other person slightly uncomfortable?
Does your partner wish you did something a little differently? This is the time where you and your partner can talk all about it. Aftercare is different than other BDSM rules because it happens outside of the actual session. That being said, that doesn’t make it any less important. A good aftercare session can help ease the mind of both partners and make your next BDSM session that much better.
Final Thoughts
Overall, BDSM play can give you some of the most thrilling and intense orgasms. When executed correctly, BDSM is a great experience for all parties involved. That being said, there are plenty of things that can go wrong with BDSM and it can turn into an absolute nightmare for someone. Please take the time to establish BDSM rules and remind yourselves of them whenever you are going to play. There is never such a thing as being too safe.