Beginners Guide To Experimenting With Anal Play
This guide is intended for both males and females who want to experience anal play and is written for beginners.
Before We Begin With Anal Play
Anal play can be extremely enjoyable and a fantastic addition to your sex life, whether alone or with a partner. I do however, find it quite disheartening to read (Surprisingly often) that some people worry that if a man enjoys anal play, he must be gay, or at the very least, have tendencies.
I do not find the idea of homosexuality offensive in any way but it hasn’t escaped my attention that some people worry about this. So I just want to clear this up, Gritty Woman style….
People do not “turn” gay. The sexual acts you enjoy performing in the bedroom do not change, or set your sexual orientation any more than liking the colour pink does.
Your sexual orientation is generally based upon WHO you want to do sexual acts with, and not on WHAT sexual acts you enjoy.
Please do not use this illogical method to deduce sexual orientation. Remember, homosexuals and bisexuals also enjoy oral sex, hugging and kissing. Does this mean we are all confused? It is Illogical. Please stop worrying and just enjoy yourself for who you are and the pleasures you can experience, no matter what your sexual orientation.
Information On Douching
One of the main worries I hear about anal sex is the potential for accidental mess. There is no getting away from the fact that it is a risk and this can put people off completely. One method of reducing this risk or putting your own mind at rest, is to invest in an anal douche.
Douches are designed to rinse out, or clean the rectum. Some people swear by them and others think they are a waste of time, it is up to you to decide what you wish to do.
Douching is simple. You need to fill the douche with warm (body temperature) water, insert the nozzle into your back passage and squeeze the clean water into the rectum (Ensure you do this whilst near a toilet, of course.) then simply release the contents and repeat this process a few times until the water expelled from your back passage is running clear.
Ideally you want to douche approx 1 to 2 hours before indulging in anal play. The rectum will absorb any remaining water in this time, leaving you feeling clean.
A Few Things To Note
Now That Is Out Of The Way, Let’s Talk Anal
If you are ready to start experimenting with anal sex and are just not sure where to start, or have tried unsuccessfully in the past and experienced discomfort, this guide will help you on your way to enjoying some fun anal play.
1) Communicate
Communication, as always, is the key to successful anal play with a partner. You need to be able to discuss how far you want to go, things you do not want to happen and to have the confidence to talk through your first experiences together.
Ask for more lubricant, if needed. Ask your partner if this speed feels good. Ask your partner to stop if things are becoming too intense.
2) Buy Yourself A Decent Lubricant
(Read my lubricant reviews here.) I would seriously recommend avoiding lubricants designed to numb the area.
These are usually sold as anal lubricants and in my opinion, should be avoided. If you feel pain, this is your body letting you know something isn’t feeling right.
Without numbing, you can listen to these signals and stop before you hurt yourself. I would also avoid lubricants that contain glycerin.
You know what else contains glycerin? Laxative suppositories.
Now, I am pretty sure I have used many a lubricant, back in the day before I knew better, that contained this ingredient and I can’t say it caused any laxative effects, but it is a risk.
Try to choose a reasonably thick lube, free of parabens, glycerin and numbing agents.
3) Start Small And Go Slow
If I had a pound for every time I have heard from a man who had become interested in anal sex, regret that he purchased that “Jumbo XXL butt plug” I would have…well, a lot of pounds.
Imagine your anus is like a grumpy grandfather. You can knock at his door but he will be slow to open it, grumble and whinge that you are there in the first place and while he may invite you in for coffee, he will be constantly hurrying you back out the door again. The butt is stubborn and it doesn’t like impromptu guests. You have to slowly warm up first and you should start small.
The goal is to learn how to relax your sphincter muscles. There are two sphincter muscles you have to deal with and they are capable of acting independently from one another.
The first is the external sphincter, which most of us know as our anal opening, the second one is internal, and not very deep at all. It sits just inside the bum, above the first one.
A lot of people experimenting with anal sex will report that they got their toy inside their bum, but then they started to feel like they needed to evacuate their bowels, or an overwhelming feeling of needing to bear down and push out whatever is inside the anus. This sensation is caused when the internal sphincter isn’t relaxed enough.
4) Get Yourself A Butt Toy
Fingers are great (Short nails and clean fingers, no one wants a scratched, sore bottom) but at some point you might fancy moving on to an anal sex toy.
Maybe you want to keep both of your hands free for other things, or maybe you are ready to try more depth, girth or thrusting sensations.
Whatever the reason, ensure that you always use a toy designed for anal sex. The bum has an uncanny ability, as soon as the muscles relax, to ‘suck up’ whatever is inserted at the time.
Between this, and slippery, lubricated fingers, there is a risk of “losing” things inside your bum.
No one wants to make that trip to accident and emergency, so stick to anal safe toys with flared bases and put the ketchup bottle back in the fridge. Not sure what toy to try? Here is a brief list of available products:
You can purchase any of these products with or without vibrations. It is also worth noting that the different materials used to make anal sex toys can have a big effect on the sensations felt.
For example wood, plastic and glass toys are rigid and unforgiving, whereas silicone has more flexibility and can feel more comfortable. This means that rigid toys, made from glass, wood or plastic, can feel larger and more intimidating.
A good example of this is my partners ability to comfortably take a silicone toy with a 5 inch girth, yet he finds it almost impossible to use a glass toy of the same size. Bear this in mind when choosing your ideal toy. I recommend trying different materials and finding out what suits you best but in general, silicone will give a more gentle experience and rigid materials will feel more intense.
5) If It Hurts, Stop!
f you are experiencing pain, stop and back up a few steps. Try using more lubricant or a smaller toy. If this doesn’t help, stop and try again another time. The skin around and inside the anus is delicate and you should avoid trying to push through pain.
If you are experiencing pain, your body is telling you to stop or slow down. Listen to it. Building up slowly will allow you to gradually take larger toys if this is your hope, and over time you may find you can take larger still, but you will probably find that you still need to warm up to the larger toys during each new session. This is normal.
Anal sex can take a little getting used to, especially if this is a brand new experience for you, so don’t rush it, take your time, relax and experiment. In the same respect, don’t be disappointed if your partner is struggling to get to where you want to be. It takes time and the thrill is in the journey. If you are interested in anal play and are wondering where to start, take a look at my anal sex toy reviews to find a toy to suit you.
Do you have any anal tips for beginners? What was your first anal experience like? Leave your comment in the box below.
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