I was kindly sent the Pipedream Portable Sex Machine from Lovehoney for an honest review and considering that I have wanted to experience a proper sex machine for many years, it’s fair to say I was incredibly excited about testing this particular product. The Pipedream Sex Machine is a mains-powered, portable, thrusting sex machine, but unlike the bigger, more bulky sex machines on the market, this one is truly lightweight and portable. In fact, when I first removed this machine from the medium sized carry bag it arrived in, I thought, “Well, that was smaller than I expected”, which wasn’t a particularly positive thought, because often ‘smaller’ equals ‘less powerful’.
The Two Dildo Attachments:
I pushed away images of the thrusting mechanism grinding to a halt against the resistance of my body, and began unpacking the rest of the bag. I pulled out two dildos first; both were similar in size, but designed quite differently. One is designed to look realistic, or penis-like, while the other is smoother, curved and streamlined. The first looked like it would be ideal for imitating penetration, while the second would make a good g-spot/prostate stimulator. As an advocate for safe sex toy materials, I have to say that I was not impressed with the materials used to make these toys. This material is advertised as “phthalate-free silicone” but the toys emanated that oily, chemically odour I associate with cheaper sex toys. At best, I believed them to be porous and therefore impossible to sterilise, at worst, they could be leeching something nasty (If I can smell chemicals and the toy feels oily to the touch, I know it is leeching something), so I decided to use a condom each time I inserted the toys into my body (This is even more advisable if you decide to alternate between anal and vaginal use, to avoid infection).
From the bag I pulled out the next item; a vibrator on a wire. I later discovered that this vibrator has to be plugged into the machine to a) function as a vibrator and b) be used as a controller for the machine itself. In other words, it cannot be used alone. The vibrator contains a scrolling wheel and this is used to turn on and control the speed of the thrusting. It also contains a button, which simply turns on the vibration (on the vibrator. The machine itself does not vibrate, nor do the two dildos). It is a single speed, single setting vibrator and I found it to be almost useless for clitoral stimulation. It was too weak and the vibrations were too surface level for my liking.
Everything Else (Including the Bag):
Finally I removed the last few items from the bag, including a feather tickler, a blindfold, a small bottle of water based lubricant and a small bottle of sex toy cleaner. There was also a very cool mains power adapter, which is designed to adapt the power voltage, making the machine suitable to be used in many countries. The tickler and blindfold seemed a little cheap and tacky. One thing I was pleased with though, was the bag itself. This strong, sturdy bag is more than large enough to store the machine and its contents, plus more and it looks like it will last a long time. It does however, have a massive Pipedream logo emblazoned on each side, so although it contains no obvious signs of the contents, it may not be quite as discreet as it could be.
So far my experience with the Pipedream Sex Machine had not been great. The materials used to make the toys was not as good as I had hoped, the machine was small and the accessories were a little tacky, but despite all this, I was not ready to rule it out yet. The real test was to come. I was itching to find out what it had to offer as a thrusting sex machine. After all, this would be the main reason to purchase this product. It was time to test it out for its main purpose.
My Experiences Using the Pipedream Sex Machine:
I set the machine on my bed, attaching all the wires as required. The set-up process takes no more than a minute, which is great, but I soon discovered the lead connections were weak. What I mean by this is that if the machine moves around too much, the cables would fall out of their holes and the machine stopped working. I also discovered that the universal adapter plug could be temperamental too, often requiring a jiggle it to get it working. It can get frustrating.
I screwed on my chosen dildo onto the machines rod and turned the machine on. For the first time in my testing, a huge grin spread across my face as I cycled through the thrusting speeds, watching it get faster and faster, to the point that the machine itself began bucking and wobbling around on the bed (cue the lead falling out….again). The machine does come with suction cup feet and it does stick to a solid, flat surface, but I am sure many of us will use this machine on a bed. At this point I took some measurements, working out that the average thrust depth was between 2.5 and 3 inches (I couldn’t be exact) and although this doesn’t sound like a lot, I later discovered that this was ideal. I also noted that the machine was loud, especially at high speeds. I would not feel comfortable using this machine with anyone else in the house, put it that way.
Earlier in the day I had taken a look at the instructions on the packaging and discovered that the two Velcro handles attached to the side of the machine were designed not just for the hands, but for the feet too. I slid my feet into these straps and wiggled into position, allowing the dildo to come to rest at the entrance of my vagina. Please note that people with hip or pelvis pain, or those who struggle to butterfly their legs open wide, may prefer not to put their feet in the straps (I suffer hip pain and it wasn’t an entirely comfortable position). This was my first experience with a sex machine and I had already witnessed it in action, so despite adding a gallon of lubricant and knowing it would only thrust forward by 2.5 to 3 inches, I was understandably tense. A tense vagina doesn’t make for smooth penetration, but when I turned the machine on, the dildo thrust straight into me. It was not comfortable, but I was actually very pleased. Clearly this machine had some guts. It was not going to grind to a halt and start smoking if I so much as gripped the dildo with my muscles. This was really good news.
It was only when I began to relax and learned to trust the machine that things started feeling really good, but I had yet to turn it up past a slow, sensual thrust. With my partner watching, I began to slowly cycle up through the speed settings, explaining how it felt with each increase in power. I was enjoying it thoroughly and clearly got a little too excited, because I accidentally turned the wheel a little too far at once. The machine spat into life, thrusting like a jack-hammer into my vagina. It was like nothing I had experienced before. The best way to describe it is incredibly intense. My sentence trailed away, replaced by a weird guttural moan that I am pretty sure has never left my body before and within seconds I was squirting, experiencing intense g-spot orgasm after orgasm. In the space of two minutes I had soaked the bed. This was the first time I had experienced hands-free, effortless orgasms. I was thrilled.
It is worth pointing out that the Pipedream Sex Machine cannot be used in every position. For example, it is difficult, if not impossible, to ride. You could squat over it, holding your own weight, but you cannot put your weight on it. It just isn’t designed for that position. I found it most effective during missionary, doggy and spoons, but even some of these positions will require someone to hold the machine still, unless you can stick it to a flat surface.
His Experience with Anal Use:
After witnessing my intense experiences with the Pipedream sex machine, my partner was understandably nervous when it came to trying it out himself. The machine feels like it is thrusting deep and feels quite intense, so I recommend preparing and relaxing your anus and sphincter muscles in advance, to avoid hurting yourself. If you love hard, fast, relatively deep thrusting with average sized sex toys, then the machine may well blow your mind. It will certainly stimulate your prostate, as my partner discovered. The problem is that it can become too intense very quickly, due to the movements and materials (especially condoms) causing friction. Apply gallons of lubricant. I would only recommend this machine to any intermediates to advanced users, due to the intensity of the sensations and the size of the attachments included. It isn’t ideal for beginners.
Using the Sex Machine with Male Toys:
While experimenting with new ways to play with the Pipedream Sex Machine, I managed to fashion an impromptu method for attaching a Fleshlight to the machines rod. I got my partner to stand up and insert his penis, before switching the machine on and was pleased to discover that it actually worked. The machine worked the Fleshlight up and down his penis at speeds that would make my arm die if I tried manually. It brought him to orgasm very quickly and I was extremely pleased with my invention. While it was possible, it is probably not advisable to do this, because Fleshlights weigh more than dildos and this puts extra strain on the machine. I decided it was worth the risk and plan on creating a better attachment method, seeing as we have used it this way a few times now.
I initially had concerns about the machines small size, but thankfully what it lacked in stature, it more than made up for with speed and power. I was also thoroughly impressed with the large range of different thrusting speeds available. It satisfied all moods, offering everything from a slow, steady thrust to a pummelling jack hammer penetration that always left me shaking. It was intense and incredibly satisfying. Because its power pleased me, its small size actually became a positive feature, as I realised I could easily transport this machine inside its bag, managing to carry it in one hand.
If I could offer suggestions for improvement, I would ask for an option that would allow users to change the depth of the thrust, because at the moment, it pushes the dildo all the way in and out of my vagina on every thrust. It would be nice to reduce this length occasionally and even create a shallower, jiggling thrust for g-spot play and anal (for those who don’t like it so deep). As it stands, you have no control over the length of the thrust. I would also ask for different fittings to allow users to attach a multitude of other sex toys to the machine. I would like to attach smaller dildos, for anal play and even male strokers, such as the Fleshlight toys. This would make the sex machine a lot more versatile overall.
If you desire an incredibly solid, versatile machine that doesn’t have loose connections, or that contains better quality accessories, then you may want to give it a miss, but if you simply desire some deep, hard thrusting, then this might be the machine for you. The Pipedream Sex Machine might not be amazingly versatile and it does have a few niggles, but it is one of the cheaper sex machines on the market. I cannot think of any hand held sex toys that could even come close to competing with the thrusting action on this machine and I was extremely impressed with the sensations it provided.
The Pipedream Portable Sex Machine was kindly sent to me free of charge by lovehoney.co.uk for an honest review. This does not affect, or sway my opinions of the product and I will always portray my own experiences, good or bad. Affiliate links are used within this post.