Ten months ago, I began reviewing sex toys on this blog and despite the fact that we were using sex toys, as a couple, for many years prior, the last 10 months has taught us things we never knew before, like the differences between shallow and deep vibrations, what phthalates were (And how to spell phthalates) that the material used to create the toy (Glass, silicone, metal) will provides its own unique sensations and much, much more. The most important thing we learned is that there is no one size fits all sex toy. These days, I know what I want, but I can still be surprised. I have definitely gotten a lot more fussy. In the last ten months I have had the pleasure of reviewing some absolutely amazing sex toys, from delightfully squishy dongs, to bullet vibrators that changed my opinion on bullet vibrators but I have also stumbled across a fair amount of failures. As 2013 draws to a close, I thought I would share with you, my personal best and worst list of sex toys and accessories, that I have reviewed this year.
Best Sex Toys for Females:
4th Place: The Tantus Cush
I must have ogled the Tantus Cush for at least 6 months before I finally become the owner of this gorgeous dildo. The Cush is a large, but somewhat squishy, flexible dildo that is suitable for both anal and vaginal use.It would be most suited to those looking for a full sensation and some gentle stretching and thanks to the smooth, texture free shaft. the Cush never felt too intense, even for my delicate and sensitive vulva. It is made from high quality, dual density silicone (The firmer silicone core is coated in a much softer, squishy silicone layer) and this is what gives the Cush a more realistic feel. It is one of the best ‘all rounder’ dildos in my collection, being put to good use for simulating penetration during clitoral masturbation, g-spot jiggling, anal and pegging, although its larger girth makes it unsuitable for beginners.
3rd Place: The Doxy Massager
The most powerful vibrator I have tried. Ever. This mains powered wand is so powerful that I simply cannot stand it on its higher settings, but the lower modes are enough to blow my socks off. This vibrator is so powerful that it can literally force orgasms, making it suitable for BDSM play and for times when I am struggling. It can even bring my guy to orgasm easily, making it a great couples toy. This is one mains powered wand that comes with a pattern setting, as well as a soft, squishy head for extra comfort. It has a few niggles but this luxury wand never fails in its ability to make us cum, sometimes more than once. If you like your vibrators in the “blow your socks off” power range, you will enjoy the Doxy. I have not experienced a vibrator with more power and depth to its vibrations yet.
2nd Place: The We-Vibe Tango
The bullet that changed my opinion on bullets. My experiences with small, battery operated, bullet vibes often left me craving more. I reached a point where i came to accept that I just needed more than these vibrators could provide and for this reason I avoided the we-vibe tango for at least six months before being talked into purchasing it from dangerous Lilly and Ali, who both assured me I would not be disappointed. Lilly is a power queen like me, so that swung it and I placed my order. One month after experiencing this bullet, I bought a second. Never have I done this with a sex toy before it, but I just had to have a spare, just in case mine died on me at any time. See, the Tango is one of the strongest and deepest vibrators I have had the pleasure to use and all of that punch is packed into a sleek, pin point bullet. When I want to get from start to finish in under 5 minutes, I reach for the Tango and it has never failed me yet. The only thing you need to consider before purchasing this power house is “do you need powerful vibes” because even on its lowest setting it can make me, a self confessed power queen, orgasm and it could be a little too much for ladies who prefer things on the softer side. Aside from being a great stand alone sex toy, the Tango also gives a great boost to other toys that can take a bullet, like the Tantus leisure, the Tantus strap on harness and even popping this little bullet into the hole at the top of my partners masturbation sleeves produces some powerful sensations
1st Place: The We-Vibe Touch
In first place, my favourite sex toy of 2013 and another We-Vibe product, is the Touch clitoral vibrator. This powerful, palm sized vibrator contains the same mind blowing motor as the We-Vibe Tango and has 4 powerfully deep and rumbling continuous speed settings that hit the spot without fail. The silicone does slightly dampen the vibrations, making the Touch slightly less powerful, or intense, than the Tango, but I like this. I am a self-confessed power queen but the Tango is so damn powerful that it pushes me to quick and intense, but generally shorter lasting orgasms. The Touch is different. While still insanely powerful, the slight dulling of the vibrations allow me to hold this vibrator against my clit while I orgasm and this means that my orgasms go on for longer. On top of this, the Touch has a unique shape that makes it so much more versatile than the Tango, and it’s standard bullet shape. You can have the vibrations as diffuse, or as pin point, as you desire, making the Touch the more versatile of the Two we-vibe vibrators in my list. If you only buy one vibrator this year, I recommend the we-vibe Touch
Best Sex Toys for Males:
Moving on to our top toys for the boys.
2nd Place: The Tenga Flip Hole (silver)
My guy rated the Flip Hole Silver as his second favourite toy for men this year because the sensations provided by this toy were intense and enjoyable. We have also had the pleasure of reviewing the white Flip Hole, which was good, just not as good as the silver. It has lots of great features, for example it can be flipped, allowing him to have two different sensations in one toy and it has those ‘squeezy squeezy’ buttons on the outside to let him adjust how tight the sleeve feels during use. It isnt without flaws though and one of these issues is that it has been designed for small to average sized penises and bigger penises may even struggle to fit.
1st Place: The Anthro Dragoness Masturbation Sleeve
His number one sex toy this year is the Anthro Dragoness from Bad Dragon. Made from high quality, odourless silicone, this toy is built to take a pounding and come out the other side looking as good as new. It is the tightest sleeve he owns, and it has a ribbed texture within that simply feels more intense than the rest of his collection. It never goes sticky and it never develops mould or any weird damp smells either. It is almost perfect. I say almost because it is weighty (Probably the heaviest sleeve he owns, despite having no outer casing) and arm ache can kick in fast if used for standard masturbation (You could try placing it between objects and thrusting into it.) It could also potentially be a little too tight for some guys. If you already know that “tight” is not your thing, avoid.
Best Anal Sex Toys
2nd Place: The Tantus Ryder
Not for the feint hearted, this butt plug was verging on out limits, yet our intermediate asses still managed to take the Ryder and I for one, really enjoyed it. It provided a stretch as it went in and wonderful full, but comfortable feeling once it was in position. It stays inside too, which makes it suitable for wearing around the house, or for a delightful walk. It even stayed in place when we used it for double penetration, which surprised me because of its size. It is made from pure body safe silicone and is the perfect butt plug for intermediates to advanced anal players.
1st Place: The Fun Factory Duke
My partners favourite prostate massager. The Duke comes with various vibration settings (And for the most part, those vibrations feel rumbling) It is comfortable and large enough to provide a somewhat full feeling and some pressure against the prostate (Without finagling it) yet it is also small enough and flexible enough to be comfortable.
Best Kink and BDSM Toys:
3rd Place: Electrastim Flick EM60-M
Okay, so I discovered that I am not a huge fan of electrical current to my delicates, but I also discovered an extremely fun and versatile device in the Electrastim Flick EM60-M. Seriously, this device can be used for pleasure, or lots of pain, depending on your desires. It comes with various attachments, all designed to produce different stimulation to different areas of the genitals, from vibration sensations to clenching muscles. I also discovered it can be used to great effect for pelvic floor exercise and turning two bodys into a circuit. (Tingling fingers anyone?) Seriously versatile, seriously fun.
2nd Place: The Corrector Flogger
I fell in love with this gorgeous flogger, the moment I took it out of its packaging and can you blame me, really? Made from 20 strands of buffalo leather, with a steel handle that has been powder coated in a candy apple red (Deep red) it looks MEAN. Its bark is worse that its bite though, as I soon discovered I could really put my weight behind my swings, allowing the leather tails to produce some almighty cracking sounds as it hit the flesh. Delicious. It remains my favourite impact toy.
Being a huge fan of chastity and orgasm denial, I knew I would have to get him a long-term chastity device before the year was out, but having never tried a device before, we struggled in deciding which would be best. I have not even reviewed the Spiral yet, due to the fact that we only purchased it a week or two ago, but we did technically test this product in 2013 and our experiences with it so far have been absolutely wonderful. It is simply the best kink toy we have tried this year. I know this is a list of toys reviewed this year, but this device impressed us enough that I am breaking my rule and giving this device my number one spot, despite the lack of review. (Review will follow, in the meantime, you can take a look at the Spiral Chastity Device over at Uberkinky)
EDIT: I finally got round to writing up my review for the Spiral. Click on the title to read it.
Best Lubricants Tested in 2013:
2nd Place: Lovehoney Flavoured Lubricants
Another honourable mention (Due to my review not being ready) I do love a good quality flavoured lubricant, but I am also a fussy bitch and prior to the release of Lovehoney’s flavoured lubricant range, I only ever enjoyed Sliquids flavoured lubricants. I tend to have a bit of a snobby attitude about own brands, even when shopping for food, so I did not have super high hopes for the Lovehoney own label flavoured lubes. Silly me! Lovehoney SMASHED it with these lubricants. After testing one flavour and discovering that they actually tasted lovely (Not sickly sweet, not super strong and no fake, cheap tastes just a lovely subtle flavour) I went ahead and bought 3 or 4 bottles and every single one is delicious. Not only that but they do not dry sticky (Take note Durex) and they last a decent length of time. These are now a mainstay in my toy box. I refuse to run out of this lube. I recommend the Cherry! (Review coming soon, in the meantime, check out the full range of own brand flavoured lubes at Lovehoney)
1st Place: Sliquid Sassy Water Based Lubricant
The best “all rounder” lubricant that we had the pleasure of trying all year. It is hypoallergenic, free from all nasties that could cause infection or irritation and is thick enough to provide a nice slippery buffer, for anal, sex toy use and penetration. It lasts a decent amount of time too (For a water based lubricant). Perfect!
Worst Lubricant Tested in 2013
This lubricant was just too runny and not slick enough to be suitable for any heavy duty use, including anal sex and use with large sex toys. It was also unsuitable for oral sex, as it tasted like bitter soap. (It smelled a little soapy too.) Erghh! Overall, I did not get much use from this lubricant.
Worst Sex Toys of 2013:
I have tested quite a few sex toys this year that I felt ambivalent about, but the sex toys that appear in this list disappointed me the most. These toys failed me, either because they did not suit my body, or because they failed to get me off at all. (Which, lets be fair, is pretty important, in a sex toy.)
There were so many things that disappointed me with the Nalone Electro Wand, from deep seams which caused discomfort during use and difficulty in keeping it clean, to extremely weak, shallow vibrations on the internal portion of the wand. This recharable vibrator would die after twenty minutes of play time and the “electro” fun felt more like stabby torture on my clit. On top of all this, the metal sections began to corrode, or rust, after owning the toy for a little over a week. Not for me, thanks.
The perfect toy, if your idea of perfection is spending ¾ of your sex session repositioning your sex toy, squirming around under the duvet to retrieve it or yelping in pain. The We-Vibe 2 frustrated me because it just would not stay in position during sex. Any movement (Which is inevitable during intercourse) would cause the clitoral arm to slide all over my vulva, missing my clitoris most of the time and coming to rest on my thigh. The vibrations were not amazingly strong either and so even when I held the toy in position (Which defeated the point of a hands free, couples sex toy) I struggled to orgasm. After my third or fourth use, the motor died on the clitoral arm anyway and I had to send it back. Overall – Massive fail for me.
When I think “wand” I also think “power” Alas, this was not the case with the Lelo Smart Wand medium. Although this vibrator is the smaller of the two Lelo Smart Wands, it is still reasonably large, large enough to not be excused for its poor vibration strength and depth. I love the look of the Lelo Smart Wand and it comes with so many great features, but it did not have enough power or depth to its vibrations and when you add the diffuse nature of the large head, it failed to even get me close to an orgasm. Worse still, it suffered from dampened vibrations which meant every time I applied pressure to the wands head, the vibrations would die down. Despite all of its amazing features and luxury design, I simply cannot forgive a sex toy that cannot bring me to orgasm.
It is no secret that I have never really enjoyed battery operated bullet vibrators (yet anyway) however, I do know that not all women are like me, and some actually prefer a more gentle experience, opposed to a jack hammer vibrating their socks off. So even though bullets do little for me (With the exception of the We-Vibe tango) I can still often tell a reasonably good bullet vibrator from a really crappy one. The Durex Delight Bullet is the crappiest of the lot. It comes with one speed and the vibrations are so pathetic is it laughable. I could not, in good faith, recommend this bullet to anyone. Not unless your idea of mind blowing pleasure is a mild tingle to your clitoris.
Its been a wild ride and an interesting year full of surprises, pleasure and occasionally, disappointment. I can’t wait to see what 2014 brings. My vagina and I are ready to take on the challenge. See you all in 2014!
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