Chastity and Orgasm Denial:
So, you want to know more about chastity and orgasm denial? Maybe you are curious as to why some of us get our kicks through denying that peak of pleasure to others, or wondering how it could be that to some, NOT having an orgasm is exactly what they crave and being locked up in chastity is their idea of bliss? Maybe you are already experimenting with orgasm denial and are looking for new ways to ruin an orgasm? You have come to the right place. Sit down, buckle up and let’s begin.
There are so many different answers to this question. Sexuality is so diverse that there is no “one size fits all” answer, but generally, orgasm denial and chastity is a fantasy, a fetish or a lifestyle choice for the people who enjoy this type of play. Some couples enjoy the power dynamic involved with orgasm denial. The partner in control of the others pleasure (Who I will refer to as the dominant, for simplicity.) may enjoy having this power and control over another. The submissive partner may be turned on by giving up this control. Some dominants and submissives feel that denial helps focus the attention of the submissive, increasing their desire for intimacy, affection and submission. While this may be the driving force for some, it is worth noting that submission and orgasm denial are two separate desires. You cannot ‘make’ someone submissive through orgasm denial if they genuinely are not submissive by nature or desire anyway. Likewise, D/s (Dominant/submissive) relationships do not require orgasm denial for it to be “The one True Way”.
There are so many different answers to this question. Sexuality is so diverse that there is no “one size fits all” answer, but generally, orgasm denial and chastity is a fantasy, a fetish or a lifestyle choice for the people who enjoy this type of play. Some couples enjoy the power dynamic involved with orgasm denial. The partner in control of the others pleasure (Who I will refer to as the dominant, for simplicity.) may enjoy having this power and control over another. The submissive partner may be turned on by giving up this control. Some dominants and submissives feel that denial helps focus the attention of the submissive, increasing their desire for intimacy, affection and submission. While this may be the driving force for some, it is worth noting that submission and orgasm denial are two separate desires. You cannot ‘make’ someone submissive through orgasm denial if they genuinely are not submissive by nature or desire anyway. Likewise, D/s (Dominant/submissive) relationships do not require orgasm denial for it to be “The one True Way”
You can still enjoy orgasm denial without being submissive, dominant, or even involved in a BDSM relationship. For these couples, the thrill might be in the tease. There can be nothing sexier, surely, than teasing your partner for hours, even days, knowing that they are desperately turned on and ready to explode, and keeping them in this heightened state of arousal for a while, knowing that when they do eventually climax, it will be all the more intense, satisfying and rewarding for you both. In that period of teasing, every touch feels much more intense and every thought gets the blood pumping. Many people enjoy being teased. Some only enjoy it for a few hours, before negative frustration kicks in, while others find bliss in extending this teasing over days, months and in some cases, years. There is no right or wrong way to play. Only what feels good for you and your partner. Chastity and orgasm denial can also be a lifestyle choice. For example, the Taoist belief is that men should withhold their ejaculate and this will energise and fortify him.
As with any desires, it is important to communicate your thoughts with your partner, if you want to enjoy them together. If you are comfortable talking openly about your fantasies, you can grow together. Never force your desires onto another though. If your partner is not interested, you have to respect that decision.
A great way to introduce orgasm denial into your relationship is to experiment together with teasing and edging. Rather than partaking in sexual activity with orgasm as the main goal, the journey is now the highlight. You can experiment, finding new ways to tease your partner until their arousal levels are very high, and then reduce that stimulation, allowing their arousal to build and fall, like a wave, until they can’t take it anymore.. If your partner craves orgasm denial, and understands what they are letting themselves in for, you can take it further and deny them that final release, but it is worth remembering that orgasm denial can produce strong emotions and if your partner is new to this type of play, it could be too intense if you jump straight into the deep end. I would suggest that you do not make any rules at first and just experiment together until you discover the most suitable form of denial for you.
Edging, as the name suggests is the act of taking yourself, or your lover, to the brink of orgasm, to the point just before control is lost, and stopping all stimulation. If your timing is right, the sensation of impending orgasm will fade and orgasm will not occur. Edging can be very intense and it does take a little practice to master, but once you become aware of your own point of no return, (The moment where you have begun to tip over and have lost control, meaning you cannot stop the orgasm.) it becomes easier to know exactly when to stop all stimulation. Of course, accidents still happen. You can practise edging as little or as often as you wish and edging your partner in sessions, over a period of days, weeks or months can leave them feeling constantly aroused, frustrated and in need of a release.
A ruined orgasm, as the name suggests, is an orgasm that was not enjoyable and these occur when you push yourself, or your partner just a fraction beyond the point of no return and then stop all stimulation or cause discomfort (See “How to ruin an orgasm” below) Ruined orgasms do not feel as intense or as satisfying as full orgasms do. Often there will be less, or no, orgasmic contractions and the orgasmic sensations will feel weak and fade away very quickly. Men may still ejaculate semen, but often it will dribble or ooze out, rather than squirt. The person on the receiving end of a ruined orgasm will often enter their refractory period; the recovery phase normally associated with a normal orgasm, where the penis, or clitoris is too sensitive to touch and men may lose their erection. In some cases it will be possible to continue stimulation after a ruined orgasm, allowing you to continue and build towards orgasm again. It is therefore possible to give your partner numerous ruined orgasms in one session. Ruined orgasms will leave your submissive feeling frustratingly unsatisfied and are often used by a Dominant as a method of milking a submissive male, allowing him to release semen, without the pleasure of orgasm.
Physical ways to ruin an orgasm:
Stopping all stimulation just after your submissive hits the ‘point of no return’ is one of the easiest, safest ways to provide an unsatisfying, weak orgasm with few muscle contractions. The hard part is finding the precise moment to stop stimulation. If you stop too soon, your partner will ride the edge, but not tip over. Worse still (For those of us hoping to deny pleasure) is stimulating your partner for a few seconds too long, which will allow them to experience a more enjoyable orgasm than you wanted to provide. To ruin an orgasm using this technique, you can ask your partner to tell you when they are right on the edge. This gives you the power to hold them there, or push them over with one or two more strokes. This method is great for getting started, but might not be ideal if you do not want your partner to be in control. After all, some cheeky sub may allow you to continue stimulation for a few seconds too long, because they want the orgasm. With practice, you will become a master at reading your partners verbal and physical cues that tell you orgasm is approaching, allowing you to control things fully.
Another way to ruin an orgasm is through pain. (Be sure to communicate with your partner and agree to this before you try these techniques) Slapping or flicking the clitoris, glans of the penis or the testicles, is not only shocking, but uncomfortable too and if this is done at the point of no return, it can be effective at ruining an orgasm in most people. Just be sure to slap hard enough to cause a little pain, otherwise you are just playing with it and we don’t want that, do we? It is also worth bearing in mind that for some people, pain IS pleasure and if they generally enjoy genital pain, then this method could cause them to have a very enjoyable orgasm.
With some males, restricting the release of his semen will frustratingly ruin his orgasm and can feel uncomfortable. (It should not be painful.) Ruining his orgasm in this way can be achieved by either squeezing the penis around the base, or just underneath the glans, or putting your finger or thumb over his urethra at the point of no return, effectively blocking the flow of semen. Keep holding until all muscle contractions and spasms have stopped and those orgasmic sensations have ended. When you remove your hand, or finger, a small amount of semen may dribble from his penis, while some of the semen may have gone into the bladder (Retrograde ejaculation) The semen is passed out when he urinates, which may give his urine a cloudy appearance. There are mixed opinions on whether forcing retrograde ejaculation is safe. I have read articles from some professionals stating it will not cause any problems and others saying it could. I am no doctor, so do your own research on this and decide for yourself whether this practice is safe for you or your partner.
Psychological ways to deny orgasm:
There are also lots of mind games you can play, to effectively deny your partner an orgasm, or to make them think twice about cheating. (Masturbating to orgasm secretly) but now we move into the realms of psychological play and it is therefore imperative that you both communicate effectively and ensure you are in agreement to this type of play. It goes without saying that these games end if either of you are unhappy. Communicate at all times.
One of the most enjoyable ways (In my opinion) to deny your partner an orgasm is to implant an idea, or threat, that will make your partner WANT to hold back their climax. This way, your partner does your bidding for you. The fun here is that they will be constantly in turmoil. On one hand, they desperately want that orgasm, but on the other hand, they know there will be a downside, or a punishment, if they do. It’s beautiful. Other ways to deny orgasm include bribery, promises or challenges. Some of the following ideas may be very effective for one person, but be of little consequence to another so I recommend tailoring these to suit your own tastes and levels of acceptance, or coming up with your own ideas to suit.
There are many games you can play with dice. You could assign each number on the dice to mean something. A three could mean that they have to edge 3 times and then stop for the day. A 5 could signify no touching allowed at all and a four could allow them an orgasm. Simply roll it every day before you play. I recommend buying two dice, if you fancy being more creative and reducing their chances of orgasm. You can also play this game with a pack of cards.
Allow your partner the opportunity to orgasm, but only from certain stimulation, like a feather, or by humping the arm of a chair. Just be aware that with an exceptionally aroused partner, they might actually be able to achieve this. Set them a certain amount of time and if you ensure that the stimulation (or time) is not quite enough, it will lead to a frustrating attempt or even a ruined orgasm on their part.
Using a timer, you could allow your partner the opportunity to orgasm, but only if they reach orgasm within X amount of time. (Ensure to count down the seconds or minutes out loud occasionally, to put the pressure on and break their focus.) You could even allow them to “earn” time throughout the week, for good deeds or tasks completed, or allow them to earn 30 seconds or 1 minute per day that passes and let them choose when to cash in their time. They will want to ensure they have stored up enough time and so will effectively be denying themselves.
Tell your partner that they can’t stimulate their genitals in any way, until they have given you X amount of orgasms first. Just remember that the higher the count, the longer they wait and they will be keen to pleasure you often.
Need more ideas? If so, check out my “Orgasm Denial Games and Ideas” post.
Important things to remember:
Orgasm denial and chastity can be a huge amount of fun for those who enjoy playing in this way. As with all sexuality, there is no “One True Way” and anyone who tells you there is, is talking nonsense. You are only doing it wrong if you are not enjoying yourself. It is that simple, so if Person X approaches you and tells you that you are not “truly” into orgasm denial (or any other aspect of your sexuality) because your ideals do not match theirs, ignore them and be yourself. The most important thing is to have fun.
What do you enjoy about chastity and orgasm denial? Leave your comments below.
I have entered this article into Kink Of the Week, a blog meme that celebrates kink in all forms . Click the banner below to check out more posts on Orgasm Control.