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Beginners Guide To Experimenting With Anal Play

This guide is intended for both males and females who want to experience anal play and is written for beginners.

Before we begin with anal play:

Anal play can be extremely enjoyable and a fantastic addition to your sex life, whether alone or with a partner. I do however, find it quite disheartening to read (Surprisingly often) that some people worry that if a man enjoys anal play, he must be gay, or at the very least, have tendencies. I do not find the idea of homosexuality offensive in any way but it hasn’t escaped my attention that some people worry about this. So I just want to clear this up, Gritty Woman style….

People do not “turn” gay. The sexual acts you enjoy performing in the bedroom do not change, or set your sexual orientation any more than liking the colour pink does. Your sexual orientation is generally based upon WHO you want to do sexual acts with, and not on WHAT sexual acts you enjoy. Please do not use this illogical method to deduce sexual orientation. Remember, homosexuals and bisexuals also enjoy oral sex, hugging and kissing. Does this mean we are all confused? It is Illogical. Please stop worrying and just enjoy yourself for who you are and the pleasures you can experience, no matter what your sexual orientation.

Information on douching:

One of the main worries I hear about anal sex is the potential for accidental mess. There is no getting away from the fact that it is a risk and this can put people off completely. One method of reducing this risk or putting your own mind at rest, is to invest in an anal douche. Douches are designed to rinse out, or clean the rectum. Some people swear by them and others think they are a waste of time, it is up to you to decide what you wish to do.

Douching is simple. You need to fill the douche with warm (body temperature) water, insert the nozzle into your back passage and squeeze the clean water into the rectum (Ensure you do this whilst near a toilet, of course.) then simply release the contents and repeat this process a few times until the water expelled from your back passage is running clear. Ideally you want to douche approx 1 to 2 hours before indulging in anal play. The rectum will absorb any remaining water in this time, leaving you feeling clean.

A few things to note:

  • Douching isn’t going to guarantee completely clean play, although it will reduce the risk.
  • It is safe to do, but avoid doing it too often (Every day, or multiple times a day.) as this can mess with the natural PH balance , floras and bacteria in the gut.
  • If you feel the need to pass gas soon (Within an hour) after douching, I recommend doing so whilst sat on the toilet. (There may still be a little water to pass.)

Now that is out of the way, let’s talk anal:

If you are ready to start experimenting with anal sex and are just not sure where to start, or have tried unsuccessfully in the past and experienced discomfort, this guide will help you on your way to enjoying some fun anal play.

1) Communicate

Communication, as always, is the key to successful anal play with a partner. You need to be able to discuss how far you want to go, things you do not want to happen and to have the confidence to talk through your first experiences together. Ask for more lubricant, if needed. Ask your partner if this speed feels good. Ask your partner to stop if things are becoming too intense.

2) Buy yourself a decent lubricant:

Pjur Back Door Comfort Anal Glide LubricantUnlike the vagina, the anus is not self lubricating, and trying to force something up inside  your butt using a little spit and a prayer is probably going to leave you feeling sore and disappointed. The skin here is delicate and can tear, so please consider purchasing a good quality lubricant before you begin. (Read my lubricant reviews here.) I would seriously recommend avoiding lubricants designed to numb the area. These are usually sold as anal lubricants and in my opinion, should be avoided. If you feel pain, this is your body letting you know something isn’t feeling right. Without numbing, you can listen to these signals and stop before you hurt yourself. I would also avoid lubricants that contain glycerin. You know what else contains glycerin? Laxative suppositories. Now, I am pretty sure I have used many a lubricant, back in the day before I knew better, that contained this ingredient and I can’t say it caused any laxative effects, but it is a risk. Try to choose a reasonably thick lube, free of parabens, glycerin and numbing agents.

3) Start small and go slow.

If I had a pound for every time I have heard from a man who had become interested in anal sex, regret that he purchased that “Jumbo XXL butt plug” I would have…well, a lot of pounds.

Imagine your anus is like a grumpy grandfather. You can knock at his door but he will be slow to open it, grumble and whinge that you are there in the first place and while he may invite you in for coffee, he will be constantly hurrying you back out the door again. The butt is stubborn and it doesn’t like impromptu guests. You have to slowly warm up first and you should start small.

The goal is to learn how to relax your sphincter muscles. There are two sphincter muscles you have to deal with and they are capable of acting independently from one another. The first is the external sphincter, which most of us know as our anal opening, the second one is internal, and not very deep at all. It sits just inside the bum, above the first one. A lot of people experimenting with anal sex will report that they got their toy inside their bum, but then they started to feel like they needed to evacuate their bowels, or an overwhelming feeling of needing to bear down and push out whatever is inside the anus. This sensation is caused when the internal sphincter isn’t relaxed enough.

4) Get yourself a butt toy:

Euphoria Prostate Massager

Fingers are great (Short nails and clean fingers, no one wants a scratched, sore bottom) but at some point you might fancy moving on to an anal sex toy. Maybe you want to keep both of your hands free for other things, or maybe you are ready to try more depth, girth or thrusting sensations. Whatever the reason, ensure that you always use a toy designed for anal sex. The bum has an uncanny ability, as soon as the muscles relax, to ‘suck up’ whatever is inserted at the time. Between this, and slippery, lubricated fingers, there is a risk of “losing” things inside your bum. No one wants to make that trip to accident and emergency, so stick to anal safe toys with flared bases and put the ketchup bottle back in the fridge. Not sure what toy to try? Here is a brief list of available products:

  • Butt plugs: Butt plugs are designed to plug the anus. They are often short and fat provide a feeling of fullness and pressure against the prostate. They can be used hands free, so you can insert it and carry on with whatever else you were doing. They are not the best designed for thrusting or riding. Plugs are perfect if you enjoy the feeling of fullness in your bum. Some people enjoy wearing butt plugs over longer periods of time, say to go and do the shopping or while at work. They come in a huge range of shapes and sizes.


  • Anal Beads: Great for beginners or anyone who enjoys rumbling or popping sensations moving in or out of the anus. One popular way of using beads is to insert them and then pull them out at the point of orgasm, which can intensify your orgasm. Another way to use them is simply popping each ball in and out of you and feeling the balls brush past the prostate and/or anal opening. Anal Beads can be used hands free, but often you cannot wear them like you can do with plugs. They usually have more length to them than plugs do and don’t have a flared base as such, but each bead left outside the body should act as a small stopper, stopping the anal beads getting lost inside you. For this reason I would suggest always leaving the very last bead outside the body.


  • Prostate Massagers: These come in all shapes and sizes imaginable, but generally have one thing in common; some kind of curvature in the shaft, or a curved tip. Much like the female g-spot, the prostate is a sexual hot spot for men and it lives on the front wall of the anus in a similar fashion as the g-spot does inside the vagina. It makes sense then that toys designed specifically to hit this spot, come with curves or bends to add pressure to this area or just to ensure it is being stimulated.


  • Anal Dildos: Like regular dildos, but these come with flared bases, loops, rippling or some degree of widening at the base, to make them anal safe. Again, these come in all shapes, sizes and textures and they are perfect for anyone who enjoys thrusting sensations.

You can purchase any of these products with or without vibrations. It is also worth noting that the different materials used to make anal sex toys can have a big effect on the sensations felt. For example wood, plastic and glass toys are rigid and unforgiving, whereas silicone has more flexibility and can feel more comfortable. This means that rigid toys, made from glass, wood or plastic, can feel larger and more intimidating. A good example of this is my partners ability to comfortably take a silicone toy with a 5 inch girth, yet he finds it almost impossible to use a glass toy of the same size. Bear this in mind when choosing your ideal toy. I recommend trying different materials and finding out what suits you best but in general, silicone will give a more gentle experience and rigid materials will feel more intense.

5) If it hurts, stop!

If you are experiencing pain, stop and back up a few steps. Try using more lubricant or a smaller toy. If this doesn’t help, stop and try again another time. The skin around and inside the anus is delicate and you should avoid trying to push through pain. If you are experiencing pain, your body is telling you to stop or slow down. Listen to it. Building up slowly will allow you to gradually take larger toys if this is your hope, and over time you may find you can take larger still, but you will probably find that you still need to warm up to the larger toys during each new session. This is normal.

Anal sex can take a little getting used to, especially if this is a brand new experience for you, so don’t rush it, take your time, relax and experiment. In the same respect, don’t be disappointed if your partner is struggling to get to where you want to be. It takes time and the thrill is in the journey. If you are interested in anal play and are wondering where to start, take a look at my anal sex toy reviews to find a toy to suit you.


Do you have any anal tips for beginners? What was your first anal experience like? Leave your comment in the box below.


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7 replies
  1. Dave
    Dave says:

    This is a good post! I have been using fingers for a while and really want to step up to a dildo. I really want something realistic and good for thrusting and riding. My concern is that you work up to bigger things and when I can take a good size dildo then I will be “loose”.

    • GrittyWoman
      GrittyWoman says:

      The sphincter muscles are specifically designed to relax and stretch open enough to allow waste to pass often. Afterwards, they return to their tighter position. Lots of people believe that lots of anal or vaginal sex makes the anus or vagina “looser”, but this is not the case. How tight a woman feels is often based on how clenched her vaginal muscles are. If a woman has very little experience, her nervousness and tension will naturally make her clench up and appear tighter. If a woman is relaxed and aroused her muscles relax, her vagina actually lengthens and she becomes wet. This relaxed and aroused vagina can appear “looser”, but it is not because she has been stretched beyond repair. It is simply because she is able to completely relax her muscles and become aroused.

      A similar thing applies with anal sex. Remember, your sphincter muscles are designed to relax, each and every time you pass waste. After you have finished, they return to normal. You do not become looser, the more times you go to the bathroom. People who are experienced with anal penetration have learned how to relax the muscles and with no tension or nervousness, can relax their muscles quicker and easier than a beginner. This might give the appearance they are becoming looser, but in reality they are not. As soon as they finish playing, or pooping, the sphincter muscles return to normal. Think about all the people who enjoy penetration. If anal sex did make you loose, most of us would be wearing nappies (diapers) about now!

      That said, it is still possible to damage yourself if you do not pay attention to your body and try to push yourself far too far. If you feel pain, that is your body letting you know it is not ready yet. You could damage yourself if you attempt to push through pain. So, take it slow, use lots of lube and listen to your body and chances of actually causing damage are small.

      • Dave
        Dave says:

        Thanks! That makes me feel better about it. It is really good to know that I am not going to be “loose”. Lol I guess anal sex is like a workout for the muscles.

  2. Reenie
    Reenie says:

    What a great guide! My partner and I are still exploring the possibility of anal play, and this guide is extremely helpful. I’m still trying to help my partner get pass the fear of having a finger inside his bum, but I think it’s getting there!


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